I can’t believe it. Someone actually ripped off “#Selfie”. Granted, this song is pretty much what you’d expect when you put the stupidest SNL alumnus since Adam Sandler opposite the worst rap lyricist of the current generation, but seriously, it’s a ripoff of “#Selfie”, and the fact that that idiotic minor-league Youtube novelty is proving to be influential is just flat-out horrifying.
Archives for November 2014
This song is getting attention mostly because of its lyric video, which even I, as a staunch opponent of the recent moralistic trends in music criticism, have to admit is pretty goddamned offensive. But maybe they should be grateful that the aforementioned scandal is distracting attention from the actual song, because this is Minaj’s worst single since “Stupid Hoe”, and one of the worst songs of the current year. Nicki explains her own jokes, Drake gives pretty much the most embarrassing verse of his entire career, and the person who manages to maintain the most dignity on the track is Chris Brown, which is never a good sign.
Most of us were expecting Mary Lambert’s solo debut to be something in the same vein of her chorus on Macklemore’s “Same Love”, so when we were given this jarringly upbeat pop tune instead, most of us were pretty disappointed. The lyrics are actually quite interesting and affectingly honest, but the tune is rather irritating and a poor match for the subject matter.
Okay, Yoko Ono has a _seventh_ Number One hit on the Club Dance charts in the 2010s with a dance remix of the saccharine ballad “Angel”. I don’t really know what to say at this point—the phenomenon of Yoko Ono’s success in the contemporary club scene is so bizarre that it has officially exhausted all my clever comments.
Swindell wrote this song with the guys from Florida Georgia Line, and it offers the worst of both artists, combining FLG’s disgustingly sleazy lyrics with Swindell’s dull musical sound and bland personality. The song features Swindell’s usual weak, cheesy production, and he sings it as if his mind is on something else. Granted, Blake Shelton’s been known to do this, too, but…and I can’t believe I’m saying this…Cole Swindell does not have the charisma of a Blake Shelton.
Here, Ariana Grande teams with one of the most promising of the Indie R&B acts, The Weeknd, just months before he took his place as the biggest R&B singer in the world. His gorgeous, meltingly erotic songwriting combines with her spectacular voice and sultry, cooing delivery to achieve what is undoubtedly her finest single to date.
While this song sounds much more like normal, conventional Pop music than the very best material off the brilliant 1989 album (like the bizarrely beautiful “Out of the Woods” or the irresistibly danceable “Style”, just to name two examples), this is still a highly attractive piece of music, featuring the distinctive retro-synth-pop sound that is the album’s trademark, and it gets even better with repeated listening. Even better are the lyrics, which brilliantly parody Swift’s perceived public persona. This song is written from the point of view of the person the tabloids apparently think Taylor Swift is…a desperately clinging maneater who actually wants her relationships to fail so she can use them as songwriting material…and it offers a hilarious and terrifying look into the perspective of a crazy woman.
Oh, God help us all. The most universally reviled band in the world are back with another Number One hit on the Mainstream Rock Charts, and of course it sounds exactly like all the other songs from their later, obnoxious-faux-Hair-Metal-party-song period. It’s a marginal improvement over the angsty post-Grunge that proceeded it, but it’s still painful to listen to.